By Chinyereugo Ugwuegbu.
I have Watched lots of sisters get tired of a bachelor, walk out of a relationship and lose that special guy simply because they cannot understand or unravel the mystery behind him and the difference between what he has in mind, does and says. Some sisters have even packed up their marriages for this same reason, wondering how things changed after such a rosy start.
Many sisters I know can give anything to tell the difference between what their special guy says and what he means. The claim that sisters are the complex ones while brothers are as easy as my childhood Ladybird story book is a complete fallacy. That notwithstanding, the truth is brothers can really be as simple and easy with the right information.
The journey to a wonderful relationship and possibly wedding bells with the single sister and an assurance of marital bliss for married sisters lies in walking in nuggets of wisdom one of which I wish to share below.
Sisters, don’t ask if this will work; if you can picture yourself in this pair of thorny shoes just try it. Perhaps I’m on my way to getting an all sisters outing or date with as many sisters as the word of this wisdom will restore on their face.
Are you familiar with this scene?
You love this brother but things do not go down well with you. He simply does not open up to you. He never has a problem and wants to share with you. In spite of this you know he loves you but you don’t seem to be part of his life.
He will not even want to listen to anything you want to say. When you have important issues to discuss with him, he’d rather sleep, watch something on TV no matter how stupid or leave the house for you to hang out with the guys. If you can say I’m there now please keep reading.
If I know sisters, your possible reaction is to get angry, cry, quarrel or probably nag all day, night and all week. The truth is that you just get him to run more from you and whatever serious issue you want to talk about reacting in any of these ways.
One major fact about brothers is that they will never make things easy for you. He will never be so open to always talk things over. If you are expecting him to help you unravel the mystery around him, you might need to wake up from sleep and from fantasy.
You are left alone to devise how best to communicate with and get what you want out of him. Meanwhile at the back of your mind is the fact that any relationship that lacks communication is hitting the rocks so fast.
The funny thing to realize is that the problem is not that he doesn’t want to discuss the issue. Most times he wants to talk and open up to you more than you can ever imagine or even more than you want to open up to him.
Would you imagine that a man who loves you so much and is burdened in his heart or has issues with you will not want to address them? The answer is NO! he wants to open up to you but just does not feel comfortable about it.
Don’t ask him why anyway because that is another problem as well. His problem might be that he is not ready for a show of emotion at that time. Sisters are better in showing emotion and this does not go down well with brothers. Will you be surprised at this, when this young man has his head stuffed with ideas that emotions are feminine and a sign of weakness?
Men are strong and show strength. Only weaklings and women waste time on words, don’t you think he needs more help than you can imagine. Yes, HELP! Sister that brother needs your help more than you can ever imagine. Perhaps your approach is not the way he wants it and needs your support to open up and talk.
Worse still, he may feel he has let you down depending on what the situation is and needs you to understand and accept him more than query or probe him. Did I hear you ask, ‘why do I need to help him? Why wont he be a man and face his fears?” if you love him and want your relationship to work you have an obligation to help him and to continue reading.
You may imagine when you first met, he told you any and everything but all that is history now. Dear sister, the truth is, when you met him newly there was nothing at stake, there was no need to be cautious. There where also not many expectations but as the relationship gets deeper, he imagines you are becoming more conscious and judgmental of his words and actions and he does same with you.
He also feels you are looking up to him and he doesn’t want to fail you. He desires to have confidence in you that you will not judge him but rather understand him. He only wishes you will stand by him through his fears.
Wondering how best to get him to listen and talk to you? For any sister who wants to succeed with this special guy, simply create a comfortable atmosphere for him. Make him feel relaxed with you. You can postpone the talk for something more relaxing and less tensed especially if what you want to talk over with him is important and needs to be addressed.
Get him to talk to you about what he is interested in at that moment. Make him feel happy and safe with you that even if he has failed you, you do not judge him and you still admire him. You will be so surprised that unconsciously he will answer all the questions in your mind and tell you all you want to hear without you stressing yourself or asking him.
Ever heard a brother say “Ladies don’t like people who tell them the truth?” if you are familiar with this it will occur to you one great mistake, we sisters make. You probably asked your guy what his day was like and he told you the truth. One of his activities might be what you don’t like or a place you’d rather he went with you and you got mad at him, our crazy little madness that causes more problems.
Next time he may decide not tell you or may even choose to tell a ‘white lie’, what he thinks you will like to hear. If care is not taken you get to discover he is lying or you see him doing one of the things you did not expect, even as little as talking to another lady, hell will let loose.
Thus, the relationship begins to have gaps. There is no communication between you two. He feels unaccepted for who he is. Whether you know it or not, it affects you as well. More painful is the fact that you just miss this great guy for the sake of little silliness.
Sisters if you are able to understand your husband, fiancé, boyfriend you will be so amazed at the great guy you have and how indispensable you are in his life. I wish you all the best in your relationship. Have yourself a great time out with the brothers.