FRANK TALK: Moving Away From The Pang of Guilt

By Olivia Norah Ochor.

SO many a time, we continue to blame ourselves and continued to live in the past. Yet, the clock tickles so fast and continuously without waiting for anyone. And I ask, why then do we dwell in the past when the future holds tomorrow?

I have noticed that healing the wounded soul comes in stages much like the birth process itself. But it is quite unfortunate that some who bear the hurt refuse to allow the natural healing process. I write so that you will help yourself heal. Standing alone and alone we must find our own howl. It is not until we can distinguish our own voice that we avoid being lost in the many waters that stride pass the ocean.

One major factor of heart attack is self-discrimination. Unfortunately, heart attack is as deadly as death itself. So many people get down on themselves for not being up and out of it and so continue to judge themselves so harshly, refusing to let go, refusing  more especially to forgive themselves and wallow deep and deeper into the suicide mission, self judgement wraps itself around our pain and says ‘Don’t Move’. Its half the reason we can’t get out of the pain maze.

I have motivated myself to keep moving forward – life is waiting for you. I have meditated my way to remembering – joy is waiting for you. I have sucked it up like everybody is waiting for you. These are useful practices that can help us move away from the pang of guilt. And who has not even sinned, yet there is grace and pardon for forgiveness when we ask. Unfortunately, some had had their guilt forgiven yet they have not forgiven themselves.

Self-determination is gorgeous and creative. But most powerful practices of all have nothing with motivation of endurance. The most powerful pain remedy is the injection of strength in gentleness. You don’t want to forgive? Well that’s understandable. You need more time? I can see why you don’t think that. You just want a break? Off course, you so deserve a break.

At some point, we have to soften-which is counter intuitive when you feel like you are drowning. Be gentle with yourself even as you are praying for strength. It works magic.

Not too long ago, I had just bumped into an old friend while embarking on a trip. We met at the airport and it happened that we were both heading to the same route, same flight. We got talking; one thing leading to another. You know how it is when two lost friends find themselves. We talked about home and family, politics, sports, issues and everything that seemed lost in transit. Then we talked about the issue of the moment.

Mandy as we fondly called her got married before the other five friends. We were called The Five Lady Star and bonded by gist zone. We had so much in common. Yes, or we pretended we did. Whenever we gathered to share stories, it all boiled down to family and matters of the heart. We all planned to have a rosy and juicy family but fate had its own pang on people for we are never the custodian of our tomorrow.

Mandy was the most peaceful amongst us. She was always the solicitor of peace and settlement advocator anytime we had scores to settle. It is rather quite unfortunate that she was the only one that could hold unto grudges even against her peace preaching.

I couldn’t notice much change in her because she had always been a very slim woman. So being fat wasn’t a criterion to say she was living well. But I could read through the lines of her eyes that she bore some pains of the past. A pain she had borne for over three good years. My goodness!

While I write this, I can boast in my heart that our meeting relieved so much pain from her. She had just forgiven herself of one mistake which had affected her marriage.

Off course the peaceful nature of any woman will reflect in every area of the home. We keep transferring aggression while at war with our mistakes. Only a peaceful woman will keep her home healthy. Her husband called me recently and said, thank you Norah, you solved a case.

If only we can learn to forgive ourselves and embrace the air of freshness, we would be creating a peaceful environment and live healthy.

• Olivia Norah Ochor is a motivational speaker with a passion and zeal to inculcate the self-help syndrome in people. She writes from Abuja, Nigeria